Assigment

This is a discussion on Assigment within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; A supposed assignment actually turned in by two English students: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rebecca and Gary English 44A Creative Writing Prof Miller ...

  1. #1
    Yes, my avatar is stolen anonytmouse's Avatar
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    Assignment

    A supposed assignment actually turned in by two English students:

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Rebecca and Gary
    English 44A
    Creative Writing
    Prof Miller


    In-class Assignment for Wednesday


    Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.


    * * * * * *


    At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

    Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

    He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

    Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

    This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

    Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

    You total $*&.

    Stupid %&#$!.


    Courtesty snopes.
    Here's a skateboarding dog instead.
    Last edited by anonytmouse; 05-05-2004 at 03:41 AM.

  2. #2
    Registered User khpuce's Avatar
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    WHERE'S THE REST OF THE STORY ??? I'm pretty sure its a long one and more interesting than the beginning...

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    5|-|1+|-|34|) ober's Avatar
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    I'm pretty sure you're an idiot for not seeing the joke.

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    It's full of stars adrianxw's Avatar
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    The story is an old one, but I'd not seen the Ford advert with the cat before, just the one with the pigeon. They're quite well done I think.

    The Nokia one has been around for a long time as well.
    Wave upon wave of demented avengers march cheerfully out of obscurity unto the dream.

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    Registered User loopy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by adrianxw
    The story is an old one, but I'd not seen the Ford advert with the cat before, just the one with the pigeon. They're quite well done I think.

    The Nokia one has been around for a long time as well.
    I don't know why, but the ford cat commercial bugs me.

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    l'Anziano DavidP's Avatar
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    dang those politicians! i didn't vote them in office so they could push through some crappy Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty!!!!

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  7. #7
    Peace
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    >>I don't know why, but the ford cat commercial bugs me.

    Same. And I know exactly why. Thats neither funny nor clever. Its more than a little sick. I'd remove it (as its been complained about already), but I don't think it actually breaks any rules. I appreciate the origional poster removing it of his own free will though.

    The english paper was funny, but the Ford commercial immediatly ruined my ensuing good mood.
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    Mayor of Awesometown Govtcheez's Avatar
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    I think you're wrong, l@d. It is actually really funny

    PS I'm not very fond of cats

  9. #9
    Registered User loopy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lightatdawn
    >>I don't know why, but the ford cat commercial bugs me.

    Same. And I know exactly why. Thats neither funny nor clever. Its more than a little sick. I'd remove it (as its been complained about already), but I don't think it actually breaks any rules. I appreciate the origional poster removing it of his own free will though.

    The english paper was funny, but the Ford commercial immediatly ruined my ensuing good mood.

    Actually, I complained about it.

    BOT, I agree, its not funny to those people who love cats (including myself), I've seen it at other sites before, the feeling is always the same when I click a link and see the black ford.

  10. #10
    Board Conservative UnregdRegd's Avatar
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    This is pure comic genius! This may be old, but I've never seen it before so thanks for bringing it to my attention. I loved doing that kind of writing in elementary school, but back then it was the whole class, and it never served as a proxy for mutual feelings of animosity.
    I am a programmer. My first duty is to God, then to nation, then to employer, then to family, then to friends, then to computer, and finally to myself. I code with dignity, honor, and integrity.

  11. #11
    Registered User whackaxe's Avatar
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    lol thats quite funny. i side with the war mongerer! who cares about some old granny who's regretting her past when you could be blowing up stuff on someone's planet?

  12. #12
    It's full of stars adrianxw's Avatar
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    >>> its not funny to those people who love cats

    Neither i seeing a wretched cat, fresh from scraping up all of your seedlings so it can **** in your garden, jump up onto your nice cleaned car and wander around all over it.
    Wave upon wave of demented avengers march cheerfully out of obscurity unto the dream.

  13. #13
    Registered User loopy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by adrianxw
    >>> its not funny to those people who love cats

    Neither i seeing a wretched cat, fresh from scraping up all of your seedlings so it can **** in your garden, jump up onto your nice cleaned car and wander around all over it.
    We'll, cats arn't THAT bad, their CLEAN, at least.

  14. #14
    Registered User major_small's Avatar
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    was it the one where the cat gets decapitated? if so, it's fake, it's funny... lighten up a bit...
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  15. #15
    It's full of stars adrianxw's Avatar
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    >>> where the cat gets decapitated?

    Yup, it was, of course it's fake. I do think it is quite well done though.

    >>> We'll, cats arn't THAT bad, their CLEAN, at least.

    What??????

    Coming into my garden, (not its owners), targetting my nicely prepared beds, raking out my carefully planted seedlings so it can ****, a mess I have on numerous occasions ended up inadvertently plunging my hand into whilst trying to sort it out. Then afterwards it wanders over my car, or sneaks around in my kitchen, or hides around my bird feeders...

    Wow, that is exploring the edge of the term "clean".

    At least a dog owner has the animal on a lead, and follows up after it with a plastic bag.
    Wave upon wave of demented avengers march cheerfully out of obscurity unto the dream.

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