Lawyer Joke

This is a discussion on Lawyer Joke within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; I thought this was a nice one.. may be old.. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check ...

  1. #1
    Its not rocket science vasanth's Avatar
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    Lawyer Joke

    I thought this was a nice one.. may be old..
    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere

  2. #2
    Rad gcn_zelda's Avatar
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    3/10...


    That was the dumbest thing I have ever heard/read :P

  3. #3
    The Defective GRAPE Lurker's Avatar
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    OLD and ANNOYING.
    Do not make direct eye contact with me.

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    not bad 5/10

  5. #5
    Registered User axon's Avatar
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    -1/10

    some entropy with that sink? entropysink.com

    there are two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. - franz kafka

  6. #6
    RoD
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    Redundantly Redundant RoD's Avatar
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    10/10

    funnnierz

  7. #7
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    not bad... subtil... i liked it. It's nice to have something to laugh in the midle of a allnight stand solving a f*** homework. By the way if anybody can help me with my question about TCP window size in this board that would make this night so much beter!!
    Cheers all!

  8. #8
    Mayor of Awesometown Govtcheez's Avatar
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    This isn't a board for your homework.

  9. #9
    Toaster Zach L.'s Avatar
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    I've heard it, but I still like it. Definitely rates at least an 8/10.

  10. #10
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    I liked the one about the lawyer and the anthropologist

    omg that was funny
    hahaha

    17PI/(12.43 * (1/GOLDENRATIO^2))

    (multiplied by the inverse kinematic recipibel of four)

    EDIT:
    govtcheez wants to be a lawyer, he'll kick your ass

  11. #11
    Yes, my avatar is stolen anonytmouse's Avatar
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    In the same vain:
    http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/a...s/sayings1.doc
    These are the things people actually said in US courts, taken down and published by court reporters - who suffered the torment of trying to keep straight faces while these exchanges were taking place. Some of these are excellent; don't miss the last one.

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
    all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
    you've forgotten?

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
    when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
    in voodoo or The occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know anything about it until the next
    morning?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: So the date of conception [of the baby] was August
    8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
    dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: All your responses must be oral, ok? What school did
    you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8.30 pm.
    Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
    doing an autopsy.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
    check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
    you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But the patient could still have been alive,
    nevertheless?
    A: Yes it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practising law somewhere.
    This one is for those working on help desks (WAV sound file):
    http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/a...ents/loser.wav

    More bad attachment humor.

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