A Week at the Computer Helpdesk, the REAL story...

This is a discussion on A Week at the Computer Helpdesk, the REAL story... within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; Got sent this by e-mail yesterday. Quite funny Monday 8:05am User called to say they forgot password. Told them to ...

  1. #1
    Bios Raider biosninja's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    South Africa

    A Week at the Computer Helpdesk, the REAL story...

    Got sent this by e-mail yesterday.
    Quite funny

    User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password
    retrieval utility called FDISK. They thank me and hang up. God, we let the
    people vote and drive, too?
    Accounting called to say they couldn't access reports database. Gave them
    Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, Well, it works for me. Let them rant while
    I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and plugged their server back in.
    Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer...
    Quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug phone back in so I can call my
    girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on
    hold and transferred her to janitorial closet.
    Return from lunch.
    Yet another user calls. Wants to know how to change fonts. Ask them what
    chip set they're using. Tell them to call back when they find out.

    Support manager arrives. Wants to discuss my attitude. Click on PhoneNotes
    SmartIcon. Love to, but kinda busy. I yell as I grab for the support
    lines, which have(mysteriously) lit up. Walks away grumbling.
    Team leader from R&D needs ID for new employee. Tell them to hang on.
    Transfer them to janitorial closet in basement.
    Perky sounding intern from R&D calls and says she needs new ID. Tell her I
    need employee number, and marital status. Run @DbLookup against parole
    board database, CDC database, and my Oprah database. No hits. Tell her ID
    will be ready tonight, I offer to personally deliver ID to her apartment.
    Janitor stops by to say he keeps getting strange calls in basement. Offer
    to train him on Notes. Begin now. Let him watch console while I grab a
    Return from smoking break. Janitor says phones kept ringing, so he
    transferred them to cafeteria lady. I like this guy.
    Big commotion! Support manager falls in hole left where I pulled floor
    tiles outside his office door. Stress to him importance of not running in
    computer room, even if I do yell Omigod -- Fire!
    Legal secretary calls and says she lost password. Ask her to check in her
    purse, floor of car, and on bathroom counter. Tell her it probably fell
    out of back of machine. Suggest she put duct tape over all the airvents
    she can find on the PC. Grudgingly offer to create new ID for her while
    she does that.
    Janitor comes back. Wants more lessons. I take off rest of day.

    Irate user calls to say chipset has nothing to do with fonts on form. Tell
    them of course, they should have been checking Bitset, not chipset.
    Sheepish user apologizes and hangs up.
    Support manager, with foot in cast, returns to office. Schedules 10:00am
    meeting with me.
    Call Louie in janitorial services to cover for me. Go to support manager's
    office. He says he can't dismiss me but can suggest several lateral career
    moves. Most involve farm implements in third-world countries. I ask if
    he's aware of new bug which takes full-text indexed random e-mail
    databases and puts all references to handcuffs and Bambi in Marketing on
    the corporate Web page. Meeting is adjourned as he reaches for keyboard,
    Web browser, and Tums.
    Tell Louie he's doing great job. Offer to show him mainframe corporate PBX
    system sometime.
    Return from lunch.
    Shift change; Going home.

    New guy (Marvin) started today. "Nice plaids" I offer. Set him up with IBM
    PC-XT. Tell him to quit whining, Notes runs the same in both monochrome
    and color.
    New guy's PC finishes booting up. Tell him I'll create new ID for him. Set
    minimum password length to 64. Go grab smoke.
    Introduce Louie the custodian to Marvin. Nice plaids Louie comments. Is
    this guy great or what?!
    Beat Louie in dominos game. Louie leaves. Fish spare dominos out of
    sleeves (Always have backups).
    Shift change. Flick HR's server off and on several times (just testing the
    On/Off button...). See ya tomorrow.

    Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR server. Told them
    it worked fine before I left.
    Marvin still not here. Decide I might start answering these calls myself.
    Unforward phones from Mailroom.
    Yep. A user call. Users in Des Moines can't replicate. Me and the Oiuji
    board determine it's sunspots. Tell them to call telecommunications.
    Good God, another user! They're like ants. Says he's in San Diego and
    can't replicate with Des Moines. Tell him it's sunspots, but with a
    two-hour difference. Suggest he reset the time on the server back two
    E-mail from corporate says for everybody to quit resetting the time on
    their servers. I change the date stamp and forward it to Milwaukee.
    Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is.
    Support manager stops by to say Marvin called in to quit. So hard to get
    good help... I respond. Support manager says he has appointment with
    orthopedic doctor this afternoon, and asks if I mind sitting in on the
    weekly department head meeting for him. No problem!
    Call Louie and tell him opportunity knocks and he's invited to a meeting
    this afternoon. Yeah, sure. You can bring your snuff I tell him.
    New user calls. Says want to learn how to create a connection document.
    Tell them to run connection document utility CTRL-ALT-DEL. Says PC
    rebooted. Tell them to call microsupport.
    Finish changing foreground color in all documents to white. Also set point
    size to 2 in help databases.
    User calls to say they can't see anything in documents. Tell them to go to
    view, do a Edit -- Select All, hit delete key, and then refresh. Promise
    to send them document addendum which says so.
    Another user calls. Says they can't read help documents. Tell them I'll
    fix it. Hang up. Change font to Wingdings.
    Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens. Not (too) much.
    Night shift shows up. Tell that the hub is acting funny and to have a good
    The knack of flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    One word. BOFH.

    Very funny though

  3. #3
    RoD is offline
    Redundantly Redundant RoD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens. Not (too) much.
    LOL HAHA good $$$$.

  4. #4
    Wannabe Coding God
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    lol those are really funny
    They say that if you play a Windows Install CD backwords, you hear satanic messages. That's nothing; play it forward and it installs Windows.

  5. #5
    Just one more wrong move. -KEN-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Directly taken from the BOFH, but oh well. Still funny, I guess.

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