Jokes!

This is a discussion on Jokes! within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; Don't make me start telling baby jokes....

  1. #16
    The Pantless Man CheesyMoo's Avatar
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    Don't make me start telling baby jokes.
    If you ever need a hug, just ask.

  2. #17
    Pursuing knowledge confuted's Avatar
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    >>q - What do little miss piggy and hussein have in common?
    >>a - They both had Kurds(curds) in their way(whey)

    Great joke...

    No dead baby jokes. Even if you try it, I know more, and mine are far far worse.
    Away.

  3. #18
    RoD
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    Microsoft Dinner 98


    INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT:


    You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to

    accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not

    give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an

    infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others

    smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how

    good it is.

    If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.

    Set the oven using these keystrokes:

    mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat

    Then enter:

    ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

    If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press

    start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

    If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the

    ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of

    the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The

    oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to

    your specification.

    Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your

    oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the

    dinner from the oven and enter:

    ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap

    This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave

    and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your

    oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink.

    Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger

    than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of

    which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too

    large to fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.

    Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the

    chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety,

    call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want

    another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

    Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of

    their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger

    family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must

    be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

    Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However,

    that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get

    thrilled in advance.

    Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the

    freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature,

    not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

  4. #19
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    No dead baby jokes. Even if you try it, I know more, and mine are far far worse.
    What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a ferarri?

    I don't have a ferarri in my garage



    What's red and gets smaller and smaller?

    A baby combing itself with a potato peeler

  5. #20
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    world's shortest books:
    Irish Wit and Wisdom.
    Jewish Business Ethics.
    Italian War Heroes.
    Negroes I Have Met While Yachting.
    Aboriginal Hygeine Hints.
    Adolf Hitlerís Kosher Recipes.
    Muslim Pork Dishes.
    The Amish Phone Book.
    Things I Can`t Afford by Bill Gates.
    Great Women Drivers of Today.
    The Complete Guide to Catholic Sex.
    The Book of Good Australian Beer.
    Beauty Secrets by Cathy Freeman.
    don't forget Sex After 50! (I actually saw this in spencer's...nothign was written in it)

  6. #21
    RoD
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    those jokes r messed up silv haha

  7. #22
    Bios Raider biosninja's Avatar
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    Q: What do you call something thats goes up and down the whole time?
    A: An up and downer.

    Q: What do you call something that goes left and right the whole time?
    A: An up and downer that fell over.
    The knack of flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

  8. #23
    Mayor of Awesometown Govtcheez's Avatar
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    Originally posted by blackrat364
    No dead baby jokes. Even if you try it, I know more, and mine are far far worse.
    I seriously doubt that. At any rate, no dead baby jokes, please...

  9. #24
    Registered User SAMSAM's Avatar
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    Blonde War Protester!
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  10. #25
    Funniest man in this seat minesweeper's Avatar
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    That is SO photoshopped, but amusing never the less.

  11. #26
    RoD
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    lmao

    ::falls over::

  12. #27
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
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    lol

    here;s another one

    How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight?
    He enters a duck.
    How can you tell if a Pole is present?
    He bets money on the duck.
    How can you tell if an Italian is present?
    The duck wins.
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

  13. #28
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    so these three lesbian blondes went into the woods for a camp out. They had a steak or some meaty thing to eat, but only two knew about it (no, not sexual meat). The one that didn't know aboiut it went to poop in the woods. She had fun. the other two thought it would be cool to put the dead meat behind her to scare her, so they did. They went back to the tent giggling their heads off for like ten minutes. Finally the third pooping lesbian came back and said "I pooped so hard my guts came out, but with the grace of god and these two fingers I shoved them back in!"

  14. #29
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    --- Baking Cake ----

    A little kid was walking through the zoo with his mom and he noticed 2 bears mating in a cage.

    So, he asked his mom, "Mommy, what are those 2 bears doing in there?"
    His mom replied, "Baking case hunny."

    The kid was satisfied and continued on with his mom. They made it to the park, and there was a quiet couple making love on a bench.

    The kid once again, asked his mom, "Mommy, what are those 2 people doing on that bench over there?"
    "They're baking cake sweetie", she replied.

    They finish their walk for the day and head home. Early in the morning the next day, the kid wakes up, and walks out to the kitchen where his mom is.

    He asks her, "Mommy..last night, when you and dad were on the couch....were you baking cake???"
    A little embarassed, she answers, "Yes sweety, we were.....but why do you want to know?"

    He answers:
    Because I licked all the frosting off.


    --- Vampire Tea ---

    3 vampires walk into a bar. They all sit down and the bartender comes over to get their orders. The first one says that he wants a bloody mary. The second one says he wants the bartender to make that 2 bloody marys. The 3rd one just asks for a glass of hot water. The bartender is confused....but gets all of their drinks ready anyhow.

    The bartender comes back with their drinks...
    While he's serving them he says, "OK...OK, I think I got it now. You guys are all vampires! But...you *points to the 3rd vampire(glas of hot water vampire)*....you confuse me. You see, you all look like each other....raggady dark clothing, pale skin, higeine problems. You first 2 guys, wanted a bloody mary - that makes sense. However, you *points to 3rd vampire* only wanted a glass of hot water....why?"

    That's when the 3rd vampire pulls out a used tampon and yells, TEA TIME!
    The world is waiting. I must leave you now.

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