Parents Divorce

This is a discussion on Parents Divorce within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; Originally posted by GanglyLamb But vasanth where you live divorce is how you call it. Where you live a divorce ...

  1. #16
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    Originally posted by GanglyLamb
    But vasanth where you live divorce is how you call it. Where you live a divorce can be compared with a man who stays @ home and the wife goes to work.
    + the man does the dishwashing etc (if you know what i mean).

    Its a "taboe" (dunno what taboe is translated into english).
    really didn't understand the comparison you were trying to make. what was the similarity between a divorce and a man doing dishwashing !!!

    As to why divorces are rare in India, I'd say it is the culture and society. I'm not saying that Indian culture is better but it is certainly very different from american culture.

  2. #17
    and the Hat of Clumsiness GanglyLamb's Avatar
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    With my comparison i meant that there is a huge difference between american culture and indian culture.

    A month ago i met someone from india and he was 20 years old. Before he came to belgim he had never done the dishes. He thought that was something for women and men were supposed to stay away from it. When i spoke him he was alrdy 6 months in belgium and he actually liked doing the dishes. He even said-when i go back to india im going to do the dishes all the time instead of my wife or who-ever.

  3. #18
    Mayor of Awesometown Govtcheez's Avatar
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    Originally posted by GanglyLamb
    A month ago i met someone from india and he was 20 years old. Before he came to belgim he had never done the dishes. He thought that was something for women and men were supposed to stay away from it. When i spoke him he was alrdy 6 months in belgium and he actually liked doing the dishes. He even said-when i go back to india im going to do the dishes all the time instead of my wife or who-ever.
    Hell, send him to my place! I'm sick of doing the dishes.

  4. #19
    and the Hat of Clumsiness GanglyLamb's Avatar
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    Govt you can hire him IF you pay him $999/hour (500$ 4 me).
    +that way you save $1 from your "future" project, that you are going to do .

    ::edit::
    off-topic

  5. #20
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    Originally posted by GanglyLamb
    With my comparison i meant that there is a huge difference between american culture and indian culture.
    you have a very wild imagination

  6. #21
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    Originally posted by GanglyLamb
    A month ago i met someone from india and he was 20 years old. Before he came to belgim he had never done the dishes. He thought that was something for women and men were supposed to stay away from it. When i spoke him he was alrdy 6 months in belgium and he actually liked doing the dishes. He even said-when i go back to india im going to do the dishes all the time instead of my wife or who-ever.
    give that fellow a kick in his butt with compliments from me ... his parents shouldn't have pampered him so much

  7. #22
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    Okay, this is sort of a tough topic for me, and this is the first time I've tried to say some of this, much less write it publically - but I'm going to try and say something meaningful and helpful Xei -

    First of all I love both of my parents very much. They are wonderful people.

    When I was 10 my parents gathered my sister and I into my bedroom and told us they were getting a divorce. My reaction wasn't very good, to say the least. I got all the way into my sleeping bag, on the floor, covered my ears, and did a mix between crying and screaming something along of "it's not true." It took me quite a long time to come out.

    A couple days, while I was at school, later my father moved out to an appartment about a mile away from my house. The first thing I did: I made him get an answering maching - we'd never had one before.

    For a long time I didn't totally understand what was happening. Looking back it's kinda a blur. I lived at my mother's house, the house I'd grown up in, and I spent the night at my father's once a week, alone, and one night each weekend with my sister.

    I wasn't very happy about this. I grew quiter, withdrawn, and even depressed, my parents even decided to bring me theropist for several years. I was still a normal kid, but I resentfully went to this guy and he tried to get me to talk about anything, not just about my parents, school whatever. Though I initially hated him, I came to realize that he was a great guy over time. I never really openned up to him, or at least I didn't very often -I didn't really open up to anyone, I was just unhappy - but he was still helpful. In all honesty I didn't really talk to anyone. I realize now that that was probably a mistake, and, among other things, this made my middle school years (12-14) rather difficult and depressing.

    However, this time in my life wasn't all bad. My mother had never allowed me to have a pet before (cept my fish!), something my dad and I very much wanted. My father's appartment wouldn't allow the dog that we wanted, so within six months of the divorce I went out with my sister and dad and got two wonderful gerbils - over the years there have been 8 that we have kept in various cages. My mother started working, so I got to spend time at home alone for the first time.

    Throughout this time I also grew alot closer to my father. We didn't talk about the divorce or my mother much, that was kind of an awkward subject. We did talked about my mom some, but generally only when I was mad at her, as young teenage boys tend to get, and even then my dad didn't say much. But we still had a lot of fun. Some of the happiest times in my life were those nights when it was just my dad and me at his house. We did all kinds of things we shouldn't do, mainly involving throwing things at each other inside - generally some sort of ball.

    One of the things that I liked least about going to my father's was that he didn't have a computer. I guess I just sucked that up, eventually he got a .486 (old even at that time) when his office upgraded coputers, it wasn't much, but I could play with Pascal, Basic, old QBasic, and some old games...

    I guess the biggest lesson you can take from me would be from 10th grade. It was then that I met the person who changed my life and brought me out of depression. The summer before I had loosely worked with a teacher at a summer camp, though I didn't know her nearly as well as my sister did. At the beginning of 10th grade we were surprised to find that she was teaching in the elementry division of my school (K-3 science). Well, I started hanging out there more and more, mostly when my friends weren't at school or in class, I even started helping her teach some 2nd and 3rd grade classes. She was my savior. I talked to her, she listened, expressed sympathy, and most importantly (and I realize I'm repeating myself) she just let me talk in and safe enviroment. She helped me move out of my 4 year semi-depressed state, to move on with my life, and she helped me grow emmensly...not to mention choosing a career path. I owe her more than I can ever repay - she is still a close friend to this day.

    Eventually my father moved into a proper house, my mom remarried to a really great guy, and I pretty much float between whichever house I want now. I can go where I want, assuming I let my mother know if I'll be there for dinner. Though I keep most of my belonging's at my mother's house for simplicity's sake, I truely have two homes when I'm in town.

    I realize that you have diffrent circumstances, and I realize that it sucks now, but I promise it isn't the end the world. Life will be diffrent, worse in some ways probably, but it will also be better in others. Writing all of this down has made me wonder what I would do if I could relive it all and I could choose if my parents got divorced or not....Well maybe I'm just scared of the unknown, but a part of me isn't sure I'd want to change things.

    Good luck

    In case you couldn't tell I'm a little sensitive to this topic...I very rarely do this, but I am going to shut the thread if it goes off onto tangents I don't like or more preescisely I feel are unproductive and/or harmful. Sorry, I know it isn't fair that I can do it and others can't, but this one is my preogative....I'll of course reopen on Xei's request.
    Kermi3

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  8. #23
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    you guys are all asses from bringing this thread off topic.

    Xei, for what it's worth from an unknown geek that you dont' know: I hope things get better for you. Just keep in mind things won't always be bad man, and I hope you make it through.

  9. #24
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    >
    I talked to her, she listened, expressed sympathy, and most importantly (and I realize I'm repeating myself) she just let me talk in a safe enviroment.
    <
    That last bit usually tends to be important in situations like this.

    Xei,
    Take Kermi's story to heart.
    The world is waiting. I must leave you now.

  10. #25
    Registered User SAMSAM's Avatar
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    xei;
    choose to be with the parent that is more mentally
    stable & more mature.the one that YOU know cares
    about you the most. the rest will come alright.
    Dont worry.

    I agree divorce is bad.but some timesits the only solution.
    for the sake of the children.

    i myself am a single father raising my 5 year old little
    girl who is my life. her mother made our life a sychotic
    thriller while we were together.(lasted 3 years).
    example:
    she would scream at me 2 in the morning(while baby sleeping)
    waking me up(by hitting me in the head with anything that comes
    handy, phone, clock, bat) telling me that my family who lives
    overseas is contacting me via telepathic messages to leave
    her.she threatened & blackmailed me on daily basis.
    all this i allowed. why? well i love my little girl.

    for the 1000 days of marriage with her i spent minimum 800
    days in sheer fear for the health of my baby(never mind me).
    i agreed to her financial demands just so i could see my girl
    4 days a week.

    the women came to this marriage with nothing & left $150000.00
    richer.never worked one day.

    finally she met someone over internet and wanted to move
    to sweden and take my child with her .i went to court then
    i got custody.she left and now me and my girl are free from
    the nutcase and very happy.

    but everytime she goes to visit the women (sweden).she is bombarded
    with lies and fictional accusations like(daddy has 3 extra wives
    and daddy was gone give her head to monster to chew or
    daddy has killed all the poppies in the neighberhood).

    she is going tomorrow for a 3 month visit as arranged.
    and im gone worry untill she comes back.she wont even
    let my daughter,s grand parents to call her once a month
    for 10 minutes.by the way i pay for all the travel costs
    every time she goes there.

    i guess you get the drift.attleast your parents are not
    mentally distubed.thats a plus.

    Good Luck To You!

    cheers;

  11. #26
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    Xei, I hope you come through this as a stronger person. I'll pray for you.

  12. #27
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    You know SAMSAM, your story is just one of the thousands that shows the american legal system, when dealing with relationships is BS. I mean, jeesh, a woman can have an abortion regardless of whether her boyfriend wants it, but if he wants her to have an abortion, and she doesnt, then that guy is stuck with the child support, while in the othercase, the guy lost a child he will never know.

    also, in marriages, it really ........es me off when, regardless of who makes more money, the woman always gets the alimony because of the prejudice in the courts. Same thing with child custody, its getting better, but not long ago, a man couldnt get his child back, even if the ex-wife was a crazy loony prostituting herself and a crackhead.


    P.S. SAMSAM: I was wondering, as I have heard conflicting arguments, but is the 50/50 split during divorce on the income AFTER you were married, or EVERYTHING including before?

  13. #28
    Mayor of Awesometown Govtcheez's Avatar
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    Originally posted by EvBladeRunnervE
    Stuff
    I agree, but SAMSAM's not from the US.

  14. #29
    Xei
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    Replies, and such.

    Thanks for all of the replies guys. The current status is that my mother is taking about $77,000 (half of the house), then she is going to move out tomorrow. I am trying to give her some sort of financial direction to what she can afford, mortgages, etc. As for my Dad... well after 12 beers, a bottle of wine, probably other stuff, we all know where he's headed.

    VegasSte: Love life. Hate the complications.
    adrianxw: Sister is shaken up. Brother is okay.
    GanglyLamb: I hope that your mom is okay. Keep us informed.
    Hillbillie: True. Soon I'll be out of school, have a full-time job, and may move in with some friends.
    kermi3: Thankyou for sharing your experience, it encouraged me to look on the 'bright side' of things.
    Silvercord: Thank you.
    Shadow: I'll try.
    SAMSAM: I'm glad that you got custody of your daughter. Yes, it is 'a plus' that, at least, they are mostly mentally-sound.
    blitzkrieg: Thank you.
    EvBladeRunnervE: That makes two of our legal systems which are BS.
    Govtcheez:Thankyou for input.
    (Everyone Unmentioned): Thanks.
    Thank you all for your positive input to the topic, it has helped encourage, and calm myself. It's good to know that there is somewhere I can go to talk, thanks.

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