There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence."
-Jeremy S. Anderson
"Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!'"
"Cyberspace: A consensual hallucination experienced daily by billions of legitimate operators, in every nation."
"Genuinely skillful use of obscenities is uniformly absent on the Internet."
"I used to think that cyberspace was fifty years away. What I thought was fifty years away, was only ten years away. And what I thought was ten years away... it was already here. I just wasn't aware of it yet."
"What goes up must come down. Ask any system administrator."
"Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad."
The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec."
"Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked."
"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."
"As soon as we started programming, we found out to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs."
"It's easy to cry 'bug' when the truth is that you've got a complex system and sometimes it takes a while to get all the components to co-exist peacefully."
"The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out..."
"WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue."
"Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though."
"Hit any user to continue."
"Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can."
"BASIC - A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company."
Real programmers are those that can sleep in front of terminals ... with their eyes opened."
"Real programmers don't work from 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9am it's because they were up all night."
"There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works."
"f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng."
"Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers."
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."
"A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an 'idiosyncrasy'. Frequently, crashes are followed with a message like 'ID 02'. 'ID' is an abbreviation for idiosyncrasy and the number that follows indicates how many more months of testing the product should have had."
"As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications."
Don't get suckered in by the comments ... they can terribly be misleading."
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
"The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs."