Abusive b/f.....

This is a discussion on Abusive b/f..... within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; Ok guys this is on a real serious note, i been thinking scince friday and i'm going ****ing nuts here. ...

  1. #1
    RoD
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    Abusive b/f.....

    Ok guys this is on a real serious note, i been thinking scince friday and i'm going ****ing nuts here.

    I used to see this girl for like 3 years, up until last year. Well her new b/f is abusing her but shes protecting him. She won't get help, and she won't let me help her. I almost killed this guy friday but my boys pulled me into the truck.

    I am so close to killing this guy cause i see nothing else i can do, but i'm more afriad hes going to go after her if i go after him. I am so scared for her in anything i do.

    I love this girl alot and i am seriously torn here....

    //edit: i didn't mean LITERALLY kill.....
    Last edited by RoD; 09-29-2002 at 06:48 PM.

  2. #2
    Just one more wrong move. -KEN-'s Avatar
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    Go over her head and confront him. Tell him that if he lays a hand on her in a menacing way again, you'll tear him to shreds.

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    RoD
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    Yea but if he thinks shes selling out on him he might mess her up really bad...

  4. #4
    Just one more wrong move. -KEN-'s Avatar
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    How do you 'know' that she's being abused?

    If she has any physical marks on her, nonchelantly ask "Gee, I wonder what happened to her?" and watch him squirm. That's always fun.

    Beyond that, if there are physical marks you could always call the police. She'd probably hate you for a bit but then she'd probably figure out you may have saved her life.

    On the flipside, confront HER. ask her WHY she lets him do the things, and question her until her brain melts.

  5. #5
    RoD
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    He gave her a black eye, a BAD one, and she told me he did it. If i called the cops shed protect him...shes done it before with her ex. And shed never forgive me, shes not one to forgive easily.

    I really shoudl confront him and not give him a chance to get to her.

  6. #6
    Just because ygfperson's Avatar
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    he already knows you know he's abusing her. (you almost "killed" him before.) so your path is clear -- protect her, scare him away, and/or call the police.

    put yourself in her shoes. you're being beaten, but you think it's your fault. you think he deserves to beat you.

    you can try to convince her to see what's happening to her if you want. but whether or not she approves, you need to stop him from hurting her. this means calling the police, because you can't mess him up enough to scare him away, aside from literally killing him, and you can't protect her 24 hours a day.

    my advice is to get evidence if possible, go to the police, and protect her until they have him.

  7. #7
    RoD
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    yea, like photos or something....even if she never forgives me its better then this, i fear for her all the time.

  8. #8
    Lead Moderator kermi3's Avatar
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    I would confront her again first. Like when he's no where near her. Somewhere where she feels totally safe. Maybe when he's outta town for the weekend or something. Tell her that you're going to ocnfront him if she doesn't. Even if she;ll hate you for it. Then tell her that if she wants to confront him you'll stand behind her and protect her when she does. If you do confront him make sure it's very clear that she never told you anything and that she doesn't want you to confront him.

    She is more important than your friendship with her etc.
    Kermi3

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  9. #9
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    Have you tried going to the local women's shelters? I'm sure the shelters would have good advice as they deal with this kind of stuff all of the time...

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    RoD
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    you know hill i hdn't thought of that...

    thats a really good suggestion kerm... i might just try that.

  11. #11
    Lead Moderator kermi3's Avatar
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    thanks, although if it's bad enough i like the cops too...or shelter.

    Good Idea.
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  12. #12
    Seeking motivation... endo's Avatar
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    You could take some friends round with you and let him know that you are the abusive ex-boyfriend. Let him have explain the black eyes, the bruises and the limp to his friends and family.
    Couldn't think of anything interesting, cool or funny - sorry.

  13. #13
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
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    how much is accidental death investigated in your region??
    if it's not that much........HINT HINT
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

  14. #14
    Mayor of Awesometown Govtcheez's Avatar
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    See how big Terry-Tough-Guy is when he's not beating on a woman and beat the ........ out of him.

  15. #15
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    I've had to deal with this stuff before. Why are some people such ignorant asses?

    The sad thing is that its a lose-lose situation. She wont appreciate what you're doing for her. You're going to have to stick to your guns (so to speak) even though you'll find that nobody supports what you're doing.

    Confront her first. Tell her that she deserves better. Try to make her see reason. If she will, get photos, call the police. If she wont, you're in trouble. You can try to get evidence still, but it will be more difficult. Find out what the cops can do, but likely they cant do anything if she wont press charges. They may have some advice for you though. The womens shelter idea is also good.

    >>Go over her head and confront him. Tell him that if he lays a hand on her in a menacing way again, you'll tear him to shreds.

    Take some friends with you if you go, as someone suggested. Make sure shes not around if you do. I cant suggest that you do this because its impossible to know what will happen. Scare him as much as possible. And realise that if it comes to blows, you are the one whos in trouble with the cops, not him.

    This kind of situation is frustrating beyond words, isnt it?
    "There's always another way"
    -lightatdawn (lightatdawn.cprogramming.com)

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