A man is stranded on a deserted island, all alone for ten years. One day a gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba suit arrives at the island. She comes up to the chap and she says, "How long has it been since you had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!" he answers. She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asks, "How long has it been since you had a whisky?
He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a bottle of malt whisky and gives it to him.
He takes a long swallow and says, "Wow, that is fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you had some real fun?"
And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!"
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, and figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the goddamn ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Well, hell, man, you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"