Gender Humour Thread

This is a discussion on Gender Humour Thread within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; A man is stranded on a deserted island, all alone for ten years. One day a gorgeous blonde woman wearing ...

  1. #31
    My diaper's full....... stevey's Avatar
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    A man is stranded on a deserted island, all alone for ten years. One day a gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba suit arrives at the island. She comes up to the chap and she says, "How long has it been since you had a cigarette?"
    "Ten years!" he answers. She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
    He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
    Then she asks, "How long has it been since you had a whisky?
    He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a bottle of malt whisky and gives it to him.
    He takes a long swallow and says, "Wow, that is fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you had some real fun?"
    And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!"



    A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, and figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the goddamn ball!"
    The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
    "Well, hell, man, you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
    Steve

  2. #32
    My diaper's full....... stevey's Avatar
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    A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.

    During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

    As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

    As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

    "No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."
    Steve

  3. #33
    ¡Amo fútbol!
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    This thread is great. But the damn spelling of humor incorrectly is ........ing me off. JK all you Brits and other truly educated people.

  4. #34
    Registered User Jet_Master's Avatar
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    Originally posted by stevey
    A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.

    During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

    As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

    As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

    "No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."

    sorry, but i did not really get that...
    [no offense meant stevey]
    I am the Alpha and the Omega!!!

  5. #35
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    >sorry, but i did not really get that...

    He's a jockey.

    What do you call a woman with no legs?

  6. #36
    My diaper's full....... stevey's Avatar
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    you don't get that ???
    thats one of my favourite jokes !!

    i don't know, what do you call a woman with no legs ??
    (i hope this isn't gonna be too rude )
    Steve

  7. #37
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    > What do you call a woman with no legs?
    An amputee ( there, it's clean )

    Sick version:
    Really good with her hands.
    The world is waiting. I must leave you now.

  8. #38
    Registered User Jet_Master's Avatar
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    >sorry, but i did not really get that...

    He's a jockey.
    ...I got that... But's what's so funny about him being a jockey? that's what i dont understand...
    I am the Alpha and the Omega!!!

  9. #39
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    Originally posted by Shadow
    > What do you call a woman with no legs?
    ...
    Really good with her hands.
    That's alot cleaner than my version (and probably funnier), so I'll leave it at that.

    Here's a cleaned up golden oldie -

    This guy was walking on the beach. As he was walking he saw a woman with no arms and no legs laying by the shoreline.

    While he began to walk past her she called him over, "Excuse me sir but can you come here for a sec"

    "Ok , what do you want" he said.

    "Well as you may have gathered, I've never been kissed before. Do you think you can kiss me?" she asked.

    "Well alright, I guess" he replied.

    After he kissed her he began to walk away, but once again she called him over, "Excuse me sir, but do you think you can come here again?".

    "What is it now?" he said as he approached her.

    "Well as you may have gathered, I've never been screwed before. Do you think you can screw me?" she asked.

    The man replied "Sure!". He picked her up tossed her in the ocean and said "You're screwed now!!!"

  10. #40
    Registered User Jet_Master's Avatar
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    amputee jokes are kinda sick...

    ...with no hands... no legs... *shudder* no thanks...
    I am the Alpha and the Omega!!!

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