Gender Humour Thread

This is a discussion on Gender Humour Thread within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; i have no comment. But its worth a good laugh . ....

  1. #16
    Registered User hermit's Avatar
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    i have no comment. But its worth a good laugh . .

  2. #17
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    >> What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy?
    > Bubblegum (what were you thinking?)

    The thought behind that disturbs me.
    *images a cold, slimmy hot dog oozing out of a hole*

    soft n mushy....*shivers*
    Last edited by Shadow; 05-28-2002 at 01:49 PM.
    The world is waiting. I must leave you now.

  3. #18
    Registered User C_Coder's Avatar
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    Here's some dumb blonde one liner's
    I should point out that I don't agree with all of them.....just most of them
    1. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
    (You have to hollow out the head.)

    2. Why won't they hire blondes as pharmacists?
    (They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.)

    3. Hear about the blonde that got an AM RADIO?
    (It took her a month to realize she could play it in the afternoon.)

    4. What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
    (They drowned during Spring Training.)

    5. Why did the blonde scale the chain link fence?
    (To see what was on the other side.)

    6. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
    (The cow stepped on her.)

    7. How did the blonde burn her nose?
    (Bobbing for French fries.)

    8. Why do blondes have more fun?
    (They're easier to amuse.)

    9. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
    (Frosted flakes.)

    10. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
    (They keep breaking them with their hammers.)

    11. Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air?
    (She missed.)

    12. What is it called when a blonde blows into another blonde's ear?
    (Data transfer.)

    13. Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
    (Because she read that one child out of every four born was
    Chinese.)

    14. Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead?
    (She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind.)

    15. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned out light bulbs?
    (She needed them for the darkroom she was building.)
    Last edited by C_Coder; 05-28-2002 at 02:14 PM.
    All spelling mistakes, syntatical errors and stupid comments are intentional.

  4. #19
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
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    since I saw the blond joke, I was searching for new once!..but I came accross this!! Here's the exact copy!
    Im soooo sick of getting told all these jokes about blond's being stopid. It's not! Burnet's is the stopit ones! So heres some joke's about THAT!!!!


    How many burnet's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Like, flip on that light switch *****! Hello?


    What do you get when you cross a burnet with a carrot top?
    A frigid *****!


    Why do people think burnet's are all smart?
    Because they feel sorry they're so ugly and boring and stupid and almost never get plowed!


    What do you do if a burnet throws a grenade at you?
    Laugh at her for acting all butch and breaking her fingernails on it!


    What do you call 24 burnet's in a box?
    A case of stuck-up *****es from the lesbian virgin sorority!


    Burnet's are so stupid that like, they're always fashion season behind. No I'm serious: they'll be wearing Cashmere and leather pants next year. Stupid!


    Why do burnet's wear glasses?
    Because they're cranky old lesbian dogs who work at the library store! Tee hee!


    What did the burnet say to the electrolysis lady?
    I know, I know - I've got like a total grizzly bear pelt hanging around the edges of my panties! Can you help?


    You know why men date burnet's?
    Because they're gay and they think that they have man meat down there!


    Why don't burnet's give blowjobs?
    Because, like, they're too busy taking my order during my HOT DATE!


    What's the difference between a burnet and dog ****?
    NOTHING!


    Santa Claus, Maya Angelou, Dwight Eisenhower, a pretty burnet, and ME are all walking along and we see $100 on the ground. Who gets it first?
    Me! Because all the others are totally make-believe!


    What's the difference between an ugly burnet and an icky lawyer?
    None! burnet are usually lawyers.


    You might be a burnet if... you totally have a moustache, skank-*****!


    Okay true story: there was this burnet once and she was so mega stupid she drank Slim Fast and her "sensible dinner" was pizza!


    How can you tell if a burnet just had sex?
    There's snowmen getting rolled in hell!


    What did one burnet say to the other burnet?
    Why don't we just give up and kill ourselves!


    Oh my god! A burnet walked into a doctors office and didn't even get a nose job or upgrade to a C-cup. Lame!


    Like, there was this totally dumb burnet who totally walked into Dolce & Gabana, and was all "where are the khakis?"


    So like this burnet is all wicked mad and is telling her friend that she gave her boyfriend a "piece of her mind" and like, if she was mad, why did she give him oral sex?


    A blonde and a bunet walk into a bar, and like, the burnet orders a beer - and it's domestic! Bud? YUCK!


    So like a blonde and a burnet were stranded on a desert island… and the dumb burnet was bummed, but like wow! Total tan city!


    What do you call a burnet with dyed blonde hair?
    The root of all evil! Get it? Duh!


    Knock, knock
    Who's there?
    A burnet
    A burnet who?
    Let me in so I can bore you with how smart I am and then can I beg you to love me because no one will!


    HA HA HA! Sux on that you burnet *****s!
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

  5. #20
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
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    Christian-Approved Nicknames for Breasts

    1) Democrat Catchers

    2) NFRU (Not for Recreational Use)

    3) Pastor Baiters

    4) Mounds of Shame

    5) Heavenly Canteens

    6) Pearly Weights

    7) Hooteronomies

    8) Pizza Pizza

    9) Sweater Undulations

    10) The Daughters of Lactiticus

    11) Racks of Lambs of God

    12) Communion Woofers

    13) First and Second Mammalonians

    14) Pamela 36:D

    15) Beelzeboobs
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

  6. #21
    Microsoft. Who? MethodMan's Avatar
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    I just glanced at some of those jokes, they were quite commical, but did anyone actually read all that, you people are typing life stories... hehe
    -MethodMan-

    Your Move:Life is a game, Play it; Life is a challenge, Meet it; Life is an opportunity, capture it.

    Homepage: http://www.freewebs.com/andy_moog/home.html

  7. #22
    _B-L-U-E_ Betazep's Avatar
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    Two guys are camping in the woods and start getting onto eachother's nerves.

    The first guy says, "Hey man. We have been arguing like crazy. How about first thing tomorrow, I go north and you go south, and we meet back here to tell eachother how the day went over dinner."

    The second guy says, "That sounds like a great idea."

    The morning comes and they go their seperate ways. Later that evening they both return and sit down by the campfire.

    Over dinner, the first guy says, "I had a great day. I went up north and found a peacefull ravine. I hiked down that ravine to come across a beautiful waterfall over a crystal clear pool. I went for a swim in the pool and layed around in the sun while butterflies fluttered about and dear scampered around."

    The second guy says, "You did have a good day. I went south and followed some train tracks for a while and found a woman tied to the train tracks. I cut her bonds, carried her over to a grassy knoll and we had sex all day in many different ways. It was quite invigorating."

    "WOW! That is incredible. You had a much better day than I did! Did she give you oral pleasures as well."
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    "No. I couldn't find her head."
    Blue

  8. #23
    My diaper's full....... stevey's Avatar
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    blondes are so stupid they -

    think Chubby Checkers is a game for fat people !!
    think menopause is a button on the VCR.
    think safe sex is locking all the doors on the car !
    get confused when the PC says "Press any key to continue", cos they can't find the 'Any' key.
    spend twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
    think Grape Nuts was an STD.


    how do you drown a blonde ???
    put a Scratch-N'-Sniff sticker on the bottom of her swimming pool.
    Steve

  9. #24
    Registered User Aran's Avatar
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    godamn necropheliacs.

  10. #25
    Registered User toaster's Avatar
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    [drops on the floor laughing]

  11. #26
    Prisoner of my own mind
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    What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

















    Run like hell, they're still holding the grenade.
    Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself.

  12. #27
    My diaper's full....... stevey's Avatar
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    Stop your sons and daughters indulging in the abhorent practice of masturbation by purchasing one of the products below made by Pitt & Johnson.

    AM01: Anti-masturbation pants - £34.99
    - made from toughened plastic available in 4 sizes
    - locks prevent pants from being removed
    AM02: Anti-erection ring - £99.99
    - delivers short, violent shock when penis becomes erect
    - anti-handling device prevents ring being removed
    AM04: Anti-nocturnal emission blanket - £49.99
    - delivers electric shock when fibres in blanket become damp
    - 100% effective in curing bed-wetting and wet dreams

    The British Conservative Catholics,
    PO Box 462, London NW12 8XN.
    Tel No: 0208 045 231

    this is a genuine advert (well i think so)!!!! ROFL
    Steve

  13. #28
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
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    A Little Testy

    A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
    ''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.''

    The doctor reassured her, ''A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?''

    ''On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about...,'' replied the lady.
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

  14. #29
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
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    A Very Special Dictionary

    THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under a car's hood. For a male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

    VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a helmet.

    COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

    BUTT (but) n. Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes ''look bigger.'' Male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

    COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

    ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

    FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

    MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

    REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.
    Last edited by Commander; 05-29-2002 at 04:40 PM.
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

  15. #30
    My diaper's full....... stevey's Avatar
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    A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

    Apparently Russia is a great place to meet women.
    I remember once I met this chick in Kiev
    Steve

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