the joke thread got deleted again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a discussion on the joke thread got deleted again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; Italian Conversation on a Bus A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in ...

  1. #31
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
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    Italian Conversation on a Bus

    A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves,
    and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind
    them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is
    galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following;
    "Emma comes first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I
    come again. Two asses they come together again. I come again and
    pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

    "You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In
    this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

    "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "I'mma just tellun my
    friend howa to spella Mississippi."
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

  2. #32
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    Code:
     Classes for Dog to Talk and Read 
    
    
    A young man goes off to college, but about a third of the way through the
    semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him.
    "Hmm," he wonders, "How am I gonna get more dough?" Then he gets an idea.
    He calls his father.
    
    "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are
    coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach
    Fido how to talk!"
    
    "That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that
    program?"
    
    "Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the
    course."
    
    So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About two-thirds of the way
    through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.
    
    "So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks.
    
    "Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't
    believe this. They've had such good results with this program, that
    they've implemented a new one to teach the animals to read!"
    
    "READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in
    that program?"
    
    "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." So his father sends the
    money.
    
    At the end of the semester, the boy has a problem. When he gets home, his
    father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots
    the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Fido? I
    just can't wait to hear him talk and listen to him read something!"
    
    "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning when I got out
    of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicked back in the recliner,
    reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and
    asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin around with that little redhead who
    lives on Oak Street?'"
    
    The father yells, "Oh, ****! I hope you SHOT that lyin' son-of-a-*****!!!"
    
    "Sure did, Dad!"
    
    "That's my boy!!!"
    Last edited by Commander; 05-26-2002 at 03:08 PM.
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

  3. #33
    i dont know Vicious's Avatar
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    Well... I heard this on Halo...

    I drove the Warthog towards a Grunt...
    My man n the turret killed him and said...
    "I would have been your daddy, but the dog beat me over the fence"
    What is C++?

  4. #34
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    Three Boys And Bill Clinton

    One day three boys found a man lying face forward on the beach.
    The boys pocked him and rolled him over. The boys asked what
    happend and he said that he fell out of an airplane and the boys
    had rescued him. So bill said he would give each of them one
    thing they wanted. The first boy said he wanted to go to the
    white house and bill said done come over tonight. The second
    boy said he wanted a bike. Bill said done it will be there in a
    week. The third boy said i want a wheel chair with a t.v and
    nintendo. And bill said ok. but why do you want that? Then the
    boy said because i will need it after I tell my dad I saved your
    sorry ass!!!
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

  5. #35
    Registered User Jet_Master's Avatar
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    why are bush jokes more common and funnier that clinton jokes?
    or is it just me?
    I am the Alpha and the Omega!!!

  6. #36
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    >>why are bush jokes more common and funnier that clinton jokes?

    Because its funnier to laugh at a monkey than a clown. Bush is an idiot, Clinton was just plain hilarious to begin with. Hence, Bush is more fun to poke fun at.

    You could say that Bush is Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

    A few clowns short of a circus.

    A few fries short of a Happy Heal.

    A few Cokes short of a six-pack.

    A few peas short of a casserole.

    The wheels spinning but the hamster's dead.

    One taco short of a combonation plate.

    A few feathers short of a whole duck.

    All foam, no beer.

    The cheese slid off his cracker.

    Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

    He fell down the stupid tree and hit ever branch on the way down.

    An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

    As smart as bait.

    Chimney's clogged.

    Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

    Forgot to pay his brain bill.

    Her sewing machines out of thread.

    His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

    No grain in the silo.

    Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

    In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further apart than most.
    "There's always another way"
    -lightatdawn (lightatdawn.cprogramming.com)

  7. #37
    bobish
    Guest
    This guy goes golfing with a priest. On his first swing he totaly messes up and the ball lands in a pond. He says "god damnit I missed" and the priest, looking somewhat shocked say "don't say that or god will strike you down". The golfer appologises and tries again. This time the ball gets caught in a sand trap and he again says "god damnit". The Priest say "telling you god will strike you down". On his third swing the golfer, who is quite frusturated at this point, looses his grip on the club and it goes flying. He again shouts "god damnit". A dark could then moves over head and a bolt of lighting comes down and strikes the priest. The golfer hears god say "god damnit i missed"

  8. #38
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
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    on a idiot scale of 1-10, (1 being the most stupid and 10 being the least), bush is somewhere around



































    -15642165654216546546516516548^51216542157984512165 21579845121652157984512165215798451216556542165465 ^2151565215798451216521579845121652157984512165215 798451216546
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

  9. #39
    Mayor of Awesometown Govtcheez's Avatar
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    To elaborate on l@d's statements, if brains were gasoline, Herr Bush wouldn't have enough to drive a ........ant's motorcycle around the inseide of a Cheerio.

  10. #40
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    If brains were dynamite, he would have enough to blow his nose.

    "There's always another way"
    -lightatdawn (lightatdawn.cprogramming.com)

  11. #41
    Code Warrior
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    Here's the joke.
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    Current projects:
    1) User Interface Development Kit (C++)
    2) HTML SDK (C++)
    3) Classes (C++)
    4) INI Editor (Delphi)

  12. #42
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    Originally posted by lightatdawn
    If brains were dynamite, he would have enough to blow his nose.

    Probably not even that much!
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: commander_android@hotmail.com []*[]

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