Well...We've just had a managerial shakeup at good ole Nestle USA where I work. The new plant manager has instituted a changed evaluation method for rating employees in the hope (he says) that it will pinpoint which employees need improvement in what areas. Take a gander at this and tell me what you think.
PERFORMANCE EVALUATION
NOTE: Under the Freedom of Information Act and the Federal Privacy Act of 1996
I understand that my work performance is being evaluated. I have the right to examine
and copy any documentation. I have the right to review and discuss differences in order
to resolve them. And I have the right to request amendment to and/or modification of
any document.
NAME: BARCLAY, RICK DATE OF REVIEW: 15 SEPT 2001
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KNOWLEDGE:
1. THE SON OF A BIITCH REALLY KNOWS HIS STUFF.
2. KNOWS JUST ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS.
3. ONLY HAS HALF A BRAIN AND IS DANGEROUS.
4. IS BRAIN DAMAGED. HIS COFFEE CUP HAS A HIGHER IQ.
ACCURACY:
1. DOES EXCELLENT WORK (IF NOT PREOCCUPIED WITH GIRLS.)
2. PRETTY GOOD; ONLY OCCAISIONALLY BLOWS IT OUT HIS ASS.
3. HAS TO TAKE SHOES OFF TO COUNT HIGHER THAN TEN.
4. COULDN’T COUNT HIS BALLS AND GET THE SAME NUMBER TWICE.
ATTITUDE:
1. EXTREMELY COOPERATIVE (KISSES ASS FREQUENTLY)
2. BROWN NOSER IN POOR STANDING.
3. OFTEN ANNOYS CO-WORKERS: THINKS IT’S HIS JOB.
4. DOESN’T GIVE A; NEVER DID AND NEVER WILL.
RELIABILITY:
1. REALLY A DEPENDABLE ****** **********
2. CAN RELY ON HIM AT EVALUATION TIME.
3. CAN RELY ON HIM TO BE THE FIRST ONE OUT THE DOOR.
4. TOTALLY WORTHLESS.
APPEARANCE:
1. EXTREMELY NEAT; COMBS ALL HAIR.
2. LOOKS GREAT AT EVALUATION TIME.
3. DIRTY, FILTHY, SMELLY SON OF A .
4. FLIES LEAVE FRESH DOGSHIIT TO FOLLOW HIM.
PERFORMANCE:
1. GOES LIKE A SON OF A ***** IF THERE’S MONEY IN IT.
2. DOES OKAY AROUND EVALUATION TIME.
3. WORKS ONLY IF KICKED IN THE ASS EVERY TWO MINUTES.
4. COULDN’T DO LESS WORK IF HE WERE IN A COMA.
LEADERSHIP:
1. CARRIES A CHAINSAW AND GETS GOOD RESULTS.
2. OCCASIONALLY IS TOLD TO GET ******.
3. MOTHER THERESA TELLS HIM TO GET ******.
4. COULDN’T LEAD A PACK OF HUNGRY WOLVES TO MEAT.
I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE BEEN EVALUATED AND KNOW MY RIGHTS UNDER
THE PRIVACT ACT OF 1996. I FURTHER ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I AM AS MESSED
UP AS A FOOTBALL BAT AND WILL ATTEMPT TO CORRECT MY DEFICIENCIES.
SIGNATURE____________________________ DATE___________
All opinions will be carefully considered and discarded. Thanks.
rick barclay
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